Here come the waterworks

Here it is folks...

The beginning of the end.
The true beginning of the end.

...the big girls and the little girls in this pictures have stolen my heart...

This morning is my last in class day for my 2 day morning class.
And there will be tears.

See I've had this decision made since at least November that it was time for me to go. Time for me to move on.

But that doesn't make it any less harder.

And let me tell you something, something I am sure any teachers can attest too.

There are a few types of classes of kids you can have through the years and I feel like in the five years at the preschool I've had them all.

But I've only had a few that are completely and utterly full of joy. Not just one or two kids that are full of joy but all of them.
One was my JK last year--the last class I worked with my sweet Emma. We were terrified at the beginning of the year when we got out first class list. Why?

Nine boys. (I don't think I need to say anything else). And those boys turned out to be the loves of my life. Every. last. one.

And another class full of joy?
This 2 day morning class.

These 3 year olds have stolen my heart with their hugs, smiles and love.
And now are breaking my heart because I am leaving them. (Which Tim has liked to point out to me every day since I told him I was leaving, especially whenever I am holding to certain little boys)

I know I will still see them around, but man, I love them so and I am bummed that I won't see them grow for the next year!

So here come the waterworks: not just for this class but for the whole lot of it.

There are kids that are in my other classes that I have known since they were babies, some even before they were even a twinkle in their parents eye.

I've been blessed to watch them grow and change. I've been able to see their hearts development for their friends, been able to watch them learn to love Jesus.

And I know leaving for a year won't completely take me out of their lives.
It justs those little hidden fears in the back of my mind.

So if you think of me in the next 9 days? Send up some prayers...I've been blessed to be at this amazing job, with this amazing family for five years and I have a feeling it's going to ache a lot to leave it.

it all comes out in a whoosh

Whoosh.
Whats that?
That's the sound of the my breath being let out very slow.
Why's that?

I'm about to drop the news.
Potentially the biggest news of my life.

Where should I start?
The beginning...sure.

A lot of this will end up sounding familiar especially if you have read any of my sermon recaps on RockHarbor since about November-ish

So here it goes:
[and PS if you are a preschool parent who has not read the letter from me in your kiddos backpack...go look in the backpack and read it and then this blog will not shock AS much]

Back in the beginning of the fall I started to feel a nudge deep down in the depths of my soul. I started to fill a stirring.

And that stirring scared the living daylights right out of me.
I felt in that stirring God telling me that I needed to leave the preschool after this year.
What?
Huh?

This job, this place I had been since august of 07. This family that God has delicately placed around me to help me get through the hellish parts of my life the last 5 years.

Um. No.

But that yearn, that pull didn't leave.
The first sermon recap I wrote for church was on a weekend where we talked about The Call in our story of God. And as I go back and read it is there that I was discussing how I kept back to the same cross every week and where all God kept saying to me was jump.

And then the first sermon of 2012 was about standing out on a precipice...looking out on a new year and just jumping fully into God's story.

Really?
Seriously?
Talk about getting hit in the head with a metaphorical 2X4

So at this point I realized that God was seriously calling me to jump. To leap out of my comfort zone and be completely ok with NOT landing on my two feet. To jump so HE could catch me.

So I decided I was going to quit. I was going to tell my boss that I was leaving.

But..I didn't. I mean I wasn't going to leave until June anyway? So why do it now.

Then in February I got hit my a car. Click here to read about my "course correction"

So because of all that, all of the emotional mishmash of my life, in March I sat down with my boss on a Sunday and told her my heart.

"and the day came where the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom"- anais nin

And then that night at church I got hit with a heck of a lot of confirmation

Whoosh.
[that was another release of air]
And over the next month I kept telling my co-workers and kept getting so incredibly encouraged by them.

But what was I going to do next?

No idea.
In reality the opportunities were endless.
There was so much I wanted to do. Write, work at a church...go on a mission?

What?
No.

You see a lovely friend I made going on my trip to South Africa last summer told me all about this trip she went on called "the world race" 11 countries in 11 months.
And she told me I should go too.

But there was no way I could. I had a full time job, a part time job, and a life to-do list a mile long.

So I scratched that of my list. Out of my head.
Then at the end of April I randomly got an email from them [the world race] Just a newsletter.

So I clicked.
And found myself applying.
And paying an application fee.
And interviewing.
And getting accepted....

Ahem.
There is no way.
None.
Nope.
Nada.
Being overseas for 11 months? Moving out the home I have been in for over 5 years? Leaving my Orange county comfort zone where I have been for almost 10? Selling my stuff? Picking up and following God?

Sharing my heart, my story, my love of and for Jesus with families and kids and people all over the world?

Oh.

Actually...

Here's the thing:
My job right now- 6 days a week is to work with kids. My volunteer time is with kids. And I do all of it?

Because Jesus set me free. Because He saved me. He loved me.
And I want to share my heart, my joy of that, of Him with people.

"the richest testimonies comes from those who Christ has made whole but still remember what it was like to be broken"-beth moore

And in that?
I realized my answer.

So as of May 31, I put in my deposit to go on the world race.
I will be leaving in January and going to 11 different countries
Peru, Ecuador, Bolivia, South Africa, Swaziland, Mozambique, Romania, Ukraine, Thailand, Malaysia and Cambodia.

Whoosh.
[that's my silent nervous, terrified, ecstatic, excited release of breath]

So there it is.
God has some crazy things in store. And I can't wait for them. The next 7 months are going to hectic, sad, busy, full of fundraising, growth, au reviors and finishing some things on that Life-to-do list.

I'll be writing about it here and my world race blog [address TBA]

I have so many other things to share with you about this journey. this adventure, this season of my life.

But this blog is getting a little long.
I will be posting ways you can support my prayerfully, physically or finanically. There is a long way to go between now and January and I can't wait to see what happens!

So I will just say, feel free to message me, email me, text me with questions about whats going, ideas for fundraises or if you want me to babysit [barring the fact you live in the OC and I actually do in fact know you]

Thanks for reading all of this mess.
Thanks to those of you have prayed immensely
for both of the big decisions I have made this year.


Love you much.