And yet I ended up here..

I now have quite a few platforms that I write on:

My World Race blog

TruMinistry

Become Restored

Twitter-tweets.

So there are LOTS of ways that I can get my words out to the internet to the "world".

Sometimes I write and realize that whatever I just wrote has NO business being on the internet.
And sometimes there is stuff that I write just for me.

Today was one of those days of writing just for myself. I have a lot of rambling thoughts going around in my head. I have so many quotations, bible verses, that I want to analyze and attribute to my life.

I have hurts, aches, pains, joys, laughter.

And I write to get all of those out.
To remember them.
To learn from them.

In all of my thoughts, and ramblings today I found myself back on an old blog that I haven't used in awhile. It was a chronicle of some of the most tragic times in my life

BUT
the really funny thing is that there was no feeling to any of it. There was no depth. When I go back and read them, I knew I hurt- but my writing style has so developed of the years that I can't sense my emotion as much in them.

I feel like I have found my writing voice.
And I love that.
The written word is powerful and lovely.

And I want to be apart of it. I want to speak my mind, I want to articulate my thoughts.

I am so grateful for the ability to do so.

A bit of Honesty....

I wish I was that kind of Christian.

The kind that always knew what to say.

The kind who actually always prayed for you.

I wish I was the person who always looked to God no matter what.

The one who was able to say “Praise God” when trials faced me way.

I wish I could be the girl who doesn't need a man

because I have Jesus 

Wish I could be the one who never 

worried about marriage

I want to be that person for you.

I wish I was the kind of Christian 

who could speak empowering words of life

all the time.

I wish I was the person who never felt stupid

when she said some flippant. 

I wish I was the Christian

who wasn't mean

who didn't say hurtful things

I wish I was the Christian

who reads her Bible every day

who goes to church every weekend

Who didn’t worry about the worship style,

or the fact the pastor bores me to tears

I wish I could be that Christian for you.

I wish I could be the Christian who doesn't get lazy

I wish I could be the one who doesn't constantly give up

But I’m just me.

I’m beginning to be ok with that.

But I wish I was the Christian

the person

the woman

who didn’t compare myself 

To you

or you.